I think my vagina is haunted
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize