it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
