dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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