this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize