that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
