My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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