morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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