Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
