dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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