Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
