I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
