TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
