My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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