Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
