I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
