do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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