If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Are we still banned from the library?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
