I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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