I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
