...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
