I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
