Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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