Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
