I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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