i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
