that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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