My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
