This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
