I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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