I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
