he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
