I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
