oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
