Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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