i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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