Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
