He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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