well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
