So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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