never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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