clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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