I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
