Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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