girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
