At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
