for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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