Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
