Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
