I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
