no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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