i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize