omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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