I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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