I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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