Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this boner is exhausting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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