Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
