I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
