Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
