I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
