I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
