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Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
