I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
