Its about making memories worth repressing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
