I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
