Farmville is her only friend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize