help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
