Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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