I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
