If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
